Rev. Dr. Elparquito's Blog - One Margarita Away From True Bliss

One Year Later - The Nigerian Scam Project

2009-04-16T09:43:00.001-07:00

About a year ago, I noticed a huge trend in my junk-mail email folder - a ton of emails that were all direct, or indirect variants of the infamous Nigerian Email Scam.

I can't believe it's been a year since I decided to record down *every* spam email I got that promised me money. Over the coarse of the year, I have received offers for money because I won the lottery, was a beneficiary in someone's will, soldiers in IRAQ needed someplace to send all of their stolen loot, and the laundry list goes on and on. Sometimes I got all the money, sometimes I would only get a percentage, and sometimes I had to pay something out of pocket. Most of the times, they required me to email them all my personal information, including bank account numbers, social security info, home address, phone numbers - you name it and they wanted it.

Every day for a year, I'd comb through my junk-mail and record down in Excel all this information.

The combined total of money offered to me from all the emails came out to:

$4,145,840,809.74

4+ BILLION dollars.

Out of that 4+ BILLION dollars, I was expected to pay out a mere $5,913.

I received unique (not duplicated) 402 email offers.

The largest offer I received was for $125,000,000 from a Bank out of Hong Kong.

The smallest offer I received was for $79,591 for an "International Awareness Program"

This was a fun project, but I'm glad it is over. Recording down those emails every day got old really fast.

That's it for now. I'd love to say "I can't come in to work today because I"m rich", but I've yet to see a penny of that promised 4+ billion dollars. I think I'll hold off just a bit more before I buy my own personal Boeing 777...........

-Rev. Dr. Elparquito

Billions and Billions and Billions

2008-07-24T11:23:00.001-07:00

Just a quick update:

As of October 17 2008, I'm now worth $2,569,532,130.74. Deuce-five billion. Nice.

Cool.

I'm Super Rich!!!!

2008-06-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

As of June 23rd, 2008, I'm worth $328,804,761.14! That's 300+ *MILLION* dollars!

Starting on April 15, 2008, I started to keep track of all the "promised monetary" emails I was receiving. Everything from army buddies in Iraq trying to send me money, to all my royalty family from Nigeria trying to send me money, to winning the lottery, to the US Senate just giving me ATM cards, and so on.

I fired up Excel, crafted a nifty little spreadsheet, and now keep daily records of "my wealth" as given to me via email. I plan on doing this for an entire year. I should easily be worth well over 1 billion USD in a year. Easily.

Here are some fun stats from just the brief two months I started this project:

•36 million as a beneficiary from a passenger on the doomed Alaska Flight 261.

•3 million from victims of 9/11.

•55 million as ATM cards - usually from the US Senate as a form of "relief" from the plethora of floods and hurricanes that seem happen in Seattle.

•The Bank of Africa is sending me 11 million, although I DO have to pay out $225 to get that money. Think I'll hold off on this on for a while.

•28 million as a named beneficiary from folks with similar last names. Right, Mr. Jones?

•I've won the UK lottery 5 times now. 5 times. Wow. I am super lucky! There's a quick 9 million.

•To my good Army buddy, Sgt. Mark Momo in Iraq? He's sending me 35 million! Ooooo Raaaa!!!! Take that Saddam!

•Good old Nigeria - how can I forget you? I can't. 10+ million. Come on boys, that's a little shy, don't ya think???

•Heck, even Microsoft has promised me at least 2.5 million - just for having a cool email address! God, I love Bill. What a great guy!

•That Muslim fund out of Africa? Yeah, they are giving me 55 million to help "Praise Allah", and to help pass the Muslim word around a bit. Personally, I think it's because I visited Uzbekistan and have a Quoran holder in my house. I'm damn near a terrorist at this point. Or at least a Commie Nazi.

•Over a 100 million named as beneficiaries to various estates, wills, Kings, Queens, Prices, Princesses, Bishops, and so forth. My family KICKS ASS!!!!

Anyways, I'm only 2 months in to it. Can't wait to see where this goes in a year.

Check back next year to see the final results. I'll probably be the ONLY billionaire you know.

How Time Flies

2007-08-01T12:39:00.000-07:00

Crap! I meant to post a blog on the 29th of June. Figure once a year is pretty good for me. Oh well, so I'm a few days late this year.

Better get you all caught up. Been a busy year.

•Dr. Reverend Elparquito officiated a wedding ceremony. I rule.
•Best friend from college died of tongue cancer. Cancer is pure evil. That sucked ass.
•Caught a ton of fish. Duh.
•Still married. 8 years on August 5th. WHOLLY CRAP! That's in like 4 days. SHIT!!!!!! Better order up some flowers soon! Phew. Glad I wrote this blog today, or I would have forgotten! ;)
•Kids are a year older. 2.5 and 4.5. Damn, the little ankle biters are growing up.
•Attended my 20 year high school reunion. Damn, I'm old.
•Same job, same location. Damn, I'm loyal (or really farking stupid. Hard to tell which one).
•Same house. Cha-ching! $$$$$$ I love equity.
•Visited the East Coast, Alaska, and Cabo San Lucas.

Eh, that's about it. Not much has changed in a year. Just few less hairs on my head - of which many more are grey now. Can't really say I'm getting fatter, as I've been losing a few pounds. Down to a svelte 190 now.

Been great typing for you, but it's now margarita time! A-Dee-Os Mee A-Mee-Gos!

-Dr. Rev. Elparquito

I'm still around.

2006-06-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

Was just sitting here working on yet another new Dell Latitude D820 and decided to see if I could access my blog. Yup. Guess so.

I found it funny that I had 3 comments to my introductory blog. My first and only question (to myself) is "Who cares?" Funny.

Also funny is that a lot of my friends are blogaddicts. Like daily kinda addicts. Like "get up at 6:freakinthirty on a weekend 'cuz the blog's gotta get out" kind of addicts. Strange. My of my friends blogs are just a re-hash of what they did yesterday, the day before, or whatever. Since I see these folks all the times, reading about what I know they already did, is kind of on the boring side of things.

Anyways, not much of a blogger. If anything, I'd rather be outside fishing. Now, get me started talking about steelhead or salmon fishing, and I'd never shut up! *That* is something worth writting about!

Laters.

Introductory Blog

2005-02-10T13:57:00.000-08:00

This is my one and only blog. I feel so mainstream now.

Laters.

Elparquito